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PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 5:00 pm 
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pianolady wrote:
Speaking of Vermont, the essence of Vermont jokes is that when you
ask a Vermonter a question, the answer he gives is correct, but highly
insufficient. For example, a Vermont farmer went to a neighbor farmer
and asked:"Lem, what did you give your horse that time it had the
colic? " Lem answered : " Bran and molasses." The farmer returned a
week later and said: "Lem, I gave my horse bran and molasses and it
died." Lem replied: "So did mine."


:lol: :lol:


Oh, my eyes are watering! I'll make up a new one...LTIBUAL!

:lol:


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 11:37 am 
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Here's another one. :lol:

A tourist was traveling through Vermont and he came to a fork in
the road and both signs said the same thing: TO WHITE RIVER JUNCTION.
He spied a native Vermonter standing in the intersection and asked him:
"Does it make any difference which road I take?" The Vermonter
replied : " Not to me it doesn't. "

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2007 9:28 am 
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Actually, many Vermonters have a keen, though wry sense of humor: A
student once told me that he drove past a farm house in Vermont and saw
a farmer rocking on a rocking chair on the porch. Being in a mischievous
mood, he said to the farmer: " Been rocking that way all your life?"
The farmer replied: " Not yet."

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 10:32 am 
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The former president Calvin Coolidge was a Vermonter, and there are
many jokes about him. He was known to speak very little, and was
called: " Silent Cal". Here are three jokes about him:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------
(1) He was once at a banquet sitting next to a young lady, and was
silent for half an hour. Finally she turned to him and said: " Mister
President, I have a bet that I can get more than two words out of you!
" He replied: " You lose!" [Pretty clever, huh?]

(2) One Sunday he came home from church and his neighbor asked him
what the preacher had been talking about. Coolidge replied: " Sin" The
neighbor asked: " What did he have to say abut it? "
Coolidge replied: " He was against it."


Before telling you the next Coolidge joke, I must tell
you of an incident I read about him that increased my respect for him
enormously: He came into his office one day and found a burglar going
through his belongings. When confronted, the burglar broke down in
tears and said that he desperately
needed to find money to get to his dying mother in another state.
Coolidge reached in his pocket, took out some money which he gave to
him and said: " Pay me back as soon as you can, and be careful the way
you get out of here, as the building is heavily guarded."

(3) Coolidge once visited a farm with some friends. They saw some sheep
and one of the friends said:
" I see these sheep have just been shorn" Coolidge replied : " Looks
like it from this side."

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my videos: http://www.youtube.com/user/monicapiano
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 11:25 am 
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The last joke reminds me of the story of a physicist and a
mathematician who flew from the West coast to the East coast and each
was asked to record any observations they made on the way. They saw a
black sheep in Kansas, and the physicist wrote : " There is a black
sheep in Kansas." The mathematician wrote : " There exists-- somewhere
in the Midwest --a sheep--black on top."

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my videos: http://www.youtube.com/user/monicapiano
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 10:52 am 
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Do You know the difference between a physicist and a mathematician?
Well, the following test will tell which type one is: We have a cabin
in the woods with an unlighted gas stove, an empty pot and a faucet
with cold running water. What steps would you take to get a pot of hot
water? Just about everyone answers that they would first pour cold
water from the faucet into the pot, then light the stove and then put
the pot on the stove. Well, so far, mathematicians and physicists are
in agreement, but now comes the crucial test: This time the conditions
are the same as before, except that now you have a pot already filled
with cold water. How would you now get a pot of hot water? The usual
reply is to put the pot of cold water on the stove and then light the
stove. Well, this is the response of one who has the temperament of a
physicist. A mathematician would dump out the water from the pot,
reducing the problem to the previous case, which has already been
solved.

A more dramatic version of the test is this: We are given a building
on fire, a hose and a hydrant. How would you put out the fire? Obviously,
one would seem to connect the hose to the hydrant, turn on the water
and the put out the fire. Now suppose the conditions are the same as
before, only now the building is not on fire. How should you now put out
the fire? The physicist would do nothing, whereas the mathematician
would set the building on fire, reducing the problem to the previous
case, which has already been solved.

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my videos: http://www.youtube.com/user/monicapiano
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 6:35 pm 
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Do you know the difference between a mathematician, a physicist and an engineer? Well, there were three such professors who had adjacent offices at a university. One day they had lunch together and came back to their offices, they all took out their pipes and started smoking. Then they each dumped their hot ashes in their wastebaskets, which contained paper, and each one caught fire. The engineer took out his slide rule and computed approximately how much water was necessary to quench the fire, took approximately that amount and put the fire out. The physicist computed the upper and lower limits that were necessary, took the average, and put the fire out. The mathematician, using far more refined and sophisticated techniques, computed EXACTLY how much water was necessary, and went back to work.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 9:20 pm 
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:mrgreen:


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 10:30 am 
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There are three kinds of mathematicians in this world--those who can count and those who cannot.

(Whew....I was about to say that I didn't get this one, but now I do. :lol: :lol: )

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 12:27 am 
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There are 10 kinds of people in this world... those who understand ternary, those who don't, and those who mistake it for binary...

:lol: This is what I get for spending highschool on the math team...

And a riddle:

Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip???

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"This is death! This is death as this emanation of the female which leads to unification ... death and love ... this is the abyss." This is not music", said [Sabaneev] to him, "this is something else..." - "This is the Mysterium," he said softly.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 12:41 am 
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To get to the same side. (that's an old one) :wink:

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my videos: http://www.youtube.com/user/monicapiano
my personal website: http://www.monicaalianello.com


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:02 am 
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Well... my math team advisor is something like 70 years old...

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"This is death! This is death as this emanation of the female which leads to unification ... death and love ... this is the abyss." This is not music", said [Sabaneev] to him, "this is something else..." - "This is the Mysterium," he said softly.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 10:07 am 
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Several people were lost in a canyon. They decided to test the echo, and shouted: WE ARE LOST! A few minutes later a sound came back: YOU ARE LOST! They realized that of course it was no echo, and one of them said that it must have been a mathematician. When asked why, he replied: “For three reasons. First, he took a long time answering. Second, what he said was perfectly accurate. And third, totally useless!

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 10:52 am 
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Location: Obamanation, unfortunately...
Wow, Raymond must not like mathematicians.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 10:54 am 
juufa72 wrote:
Wow, Raymond must not like mathematicians.


I was just thinking the same. :P Poor mathematicians... :lol:


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